The wedding week that was to be...

This was meant to be the wedding week.  Until it wasn't.
3 weeks ago, the wedding that I had only spent a mere few weeks planning, was cancelled.  Or postponed - who knows yet.
I cancelled it.  Pulled the pin.  I had to.

Finally an admission to his gambling addiction.
Finally an end to my self doubt.

The wedding that was finally happening, wasn't.

Time will tell if he gets his shit together.

Time will tell if I can ever trust him again.

Time will tell if there will ever be a wedding.

So what the eff will I do on Friday instead of get married?

So where's the me?

So where's the me in any of this?
Selfish, aren't I?

But really, when does it get to be about me?
It's all about him and his problems and how they came about, why they came about....

So far no solutions, no hope, no me, just him. 

I'm tired of the him.  I'm not sure if I have the energy or the courage or the drive to attempt to get through this.  I don't even remember what the us was ever about, so I have nothing to strive for here.  No better place to get back to.

My better place at the moment is with my amazing friends.
With them it's about me.  I love you girls xo

Intuition

Why didn't I trust it?
I trusted him but not myself, when it should've been in the reverse.

Why didn't I listen to that voice?
I listened to his and his web of lies when I didn't listen to my own calm, inner voice.

Why?